Sunday, December 30, 2007

Finding someone special, a guide to the ladies

I saw an article recently that listed 31 ways to find a decent guy. I'm sure that lady that wrote it meant well, but I think 31 suggestions is a bit much. I wrote this as a response to the article and it was very well received. I thought it worth repeating here.

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Finding a guy is fairly easy. They're out there looking for you, just make yourself available.

1. Don't try too hard, that's a little scary. Go to the store in your sweats. That makes you approachable.

2. Forget the makeup. A clean fresh face makes you real. Heavy makeup means you're hiding something.

3. Don't talk about commitments. If he likes you, he'll commit. If he's using you, he won't.

4. Be his friend, but not his best friend. He'll tell his best friend things he'll never tell his wife or lover. That's the way it's supposed to be. Get over it.

5. Don't expect him to change. Many relationships fail for two simple reasons. (1) She expects him to change, but he doesn't. (2) He expects her to not change, but she does.

6. If you love him, you won't try to hurt him no matter how much something he did hurts you. If he loves you he won't try to hurt you no matter how much something you did hurts him. If either one of you TRIES to hurt the other, it isn't love and it's time to move on. The same thing applies if either of you does something and doesn't care if it hurts the other or not.

7. Don't expect to understand him. He's male and you're not. You can't understand him. Don't expect him to understand you. You're female and he's not. He can't understand you. Accept that you are different. Learn where those differences are and where the similarities are. This will cut your arguments in half.

8. You are going to argue. Don't take it personally and don't make it personal. Before long you'll find that you're discussing and not arguing. You won't remember the change.

9. Most arguments aren't worth the trouble, but you won't know until you discuss it.

10. If it isn't working out, let it go. Try to save the friendship, but don't feel bad if that's gone too. It's hard to take a relationship backwards. If he handles it well, tell your friends about him. If he handles it badly, be SURE to tell your friends about him.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Christmas vs Hannukah vs Solstice vs Saturnalia vs, well you get the idea

I've known a few atheists and pagans over the years. Many of them have been better Christians than some of my acquaintances that profess to be Christian. Some of the Christian's I've known would be better described as atheists. Neither group seems qualified to lay sole claim, or take complete blame for good or evil deeds. Is Christmas a stolen holiday? Yes, it is. But no group alive today can lay claim to its creation or its theft. The solstice has been celebrated (in both joy and fear) since before recorded history, probably back to the first time that one of the brighter cavemen realized that the days were getting shorter as it got colder. He might have said "Gee, that never happened before. I'd better do something." He might have worked out a simple ritual to bring back the sun, and after a few days (let's say three just for the sake of argument since that's the timespan between the solstice and the modern Christmas day) he noticed the sun was, indeed, returning. The ritual became an annual event and was embellished every year and copied by others. Over the years, each group took bits and pieces from those around them and wove a new celebration that fits in with their hopes for the future, their needs for the present, and their regrets from the past. Soon, religion was born. Unfortunately, somewhere along the line, religious intolerance reared its ugly head when someone decided that they had to enforce their beliefs on everyone else. We'll never know if this was done because of a desire for power, or out of concern for the fate in the afterlife of those who were deemed "wrong". Either way, we'll never know how the holiday and the intolerance started. It's also quite possible that we'll never know how to truly celebrate the former until we can eliminate the latter. I don't know about you, but I'll continue to say Merry Christmas, or Happy Hannukah, or Happy Solstice, or even IO Saturnalia to my friends during the holidays.